“A father is a man who expects his son to be as good a man as he meant to be.”- Frank A. Clark
The first snow brought back the magic to a season that had been long buried in my heart. Where I stood a year ago has changed so drastically. I suddenly have the opportunity to give my fiancé a Christmas present that she will not expect.
I have bought a second engagement ring, due to the fact that I destroyed the first in a "two birds with one stone,” fashion. See, my Tricia is very… inquisitive. She can sniff out deceit, lies, presents, lost wallets, with amazing skill. So, I hid her first engagement ring…… in the engine block of our Chevy Envoy.
To make a long story short, a 2.5 Carat Diamond can tear up a belt, causing a belt that ran the coolant pump to fall off and then caused a leak in the power steering pump, pulling out a pulley. I found a bit of the ring band, but the stones were gone. I looked for 48 hours, in the parking lot. Turning every sparkly pebble, following every glint that caught my eye. Unfortunately, I had to postpone my proposal by a year.
This year, I was able to barter one of my programs for an Engagement Ring. I dreamed of becoming rich with this one, but I always have something in the works. This was a piece of software I wrote that allows your cellphone to look for problems in potential places for "Rent."
Anyway, I could get her an engagement ring set through barter that is 1.5 carats. I believe that any stone over 1 carat is sufficient. The only detriment to this task is my inability to credibly lie and conceal such a gift. To surprise her with this unexpected Christmas Gift will definitely be memorable.
As I look at the ring, and consider what this symbolizes, I ask myself if I am ready to do this:
“Do or do not! There is no try.”- Yoda
The gleaming diamond signifies not only the bond that my wife and myself will share, but I will become one of the most underrepresented majorities in these great United States. I will have a “non sustainable legal position in a precarious position of liability,"as an attorney friend reminded me. I will become a Step-Parent.
“Unless a stepparent has legally adopted a stepchild, they likely have no legal right to make decisions on behalf of the child's well-being. They have no say in the child's medical decisions, who has access to the child, or educational decisions regarding the child.”-DadsDivorce.com
I have yet to have any meaningful contact with my Fiancé’s Children. They have been in DHHS custody for 1 and a half years. I came into the picture when I met a young women at the edge of hopelessness. I "kidnapped her” to my apartment’s spare room when I discovered she lived in a tent. You can read about it at:
Because of my Faith, I am proud to say that we have not “gone all the way,” if you know what I mean. Because I am Romantic, I am proud to say that we have not “gone all the way.” Because I am Valuable, I have not “gone all the way.” Because our relationship is based on more than some “Flight of Fancy,” We Have Not “gone all the way.”
There are many statements I can make to the effect of how great I am, everyone does in one way or another. But, I must look at myself in a more human lens, and consider this threesome that is being injected into my life.
Am I willing to Love, Honor, and Cherish this Woman, this Girl, and this Boy? Am I willing to become what these people need when they need it, in spite of my subjective opinion may be on the matter? Am I willing to learn how to connect with these children that may require me to engage in new ways to communicate? Am I willing to be more cognizant of how I am portraying myself, showing them proper poise and etiquette? Am I willing to be the example of a Father figure, that all children need to be successful?
“I am indebted to my father for living, but to my teacher for living well.”- Alexander the Great
When I propose to her, I am making a promise that I am going to put Her Children and Herself before me. That I will be a Husband and a Father figure. My actions will take on a more important meaning than I have ever realized before. Each truth and each lie, each praise and each complaint, everything that passes through my mouth and ears will influence these children that will evolve into adulthood.
Can I show them an unerring, perfect love? Nah, I am only human, but I can rely on wisdom from past experiences, the good and the bad, to make my love more perfect. I can remember the pain I felt in my own childhood, and realize that you are just learning “common sense lessons.” I will not be swift to judge, and will strive to teach and redirect, instead of punish.
I can promise you that mistakes will be allowed, so that you can learn that knowledge is worth a few failures. I can promise you that I will never show you how to lie, cheat, and steal, that is not an example that I want to set. I can teach you that there is strength in honesty, it always has reward. I can show you where my faith comes from, and still want you to find your own. I can show you where to keep your rainbows and butterflies, for when the night is dark.
I realize that in a “Court of Law,” I will be the last person with any authority. I also realize that I will be legally responsible for any issues while you are minors. I realize that you will have so many questions and so much pain, but there will also be moments with answers and bouts of joy. Most of all, I realize that I might just be the Father that I always wanted.
A man who would never be ashamed of me. A man who is strong, even when he is weak. A man who will show me how to be a friend, teacher, minister, mechanic, inventor, dreamer, mentor, Husband, and Father.
And this is what I gladly take on!